Dear Mental Illness

A letter to my mental illness....

Have I ever told you how much I hate you? Yet I love you for just as many reasons.

Reasons I hate you:

1) You've taken some of my family from me

2) You've helped me ruin relationships in more than one way.

3) you've helped ruin my life in many ways: example, self-harm, theft, jail, and even by messing up in school.

4) You've helped me ruin the lives of many.

5) You've even helped me hold on to relationships that I shouldn't

6) You've help me forget who I am.

The reasons I love you:

1) You've helped me bring back some of my family

2) You've helped me make over 2000 friends in the last 2 years

3) you've taken my life in a whole new direction (Thank You!)

4) You've helped me see that I am not Hopeless and that I am a good person.

5) Thanks to you I have made some great friends in life and experience some amazing relationships

6) You've helped me see where I belong

7) You've helped me see who I am and who I want to be.

8) Because of you I can make someone's life a better place, as well as mine

9) Because of you I can see clearly where I was and where I need to be.

Needless to say, I am doing great where I am now, even with all of your short comings. That being said, there are still 2 people who I want in my world but they aren't, my son and my father. I need their support, yet don't have it, yet I am grateful for this in my life who are my support systems. If your reading this, you know who you are.

To date, I have started school and am almost on to my Junior year while maintaining a 4.0 (who would have ever thought? LOL), I have certificates to teach 5 different classes, and am currently working on 4 more, and will reach my goal of starting a recovery college at the rate I am going and I owe most of it to you my mental illness. Thank you for helping to push me to accomplish these tasks.

Today I am grateful for:

1) My recovery

2) my friends and the many more I will make.

3) My new life.

4) The ability to overcome my fears.

5) My friends going through recovery and them making it...

Being a Peer Support Specialist

A few years back a wonderful job found me, it's called Peer Support. I had no idea what this position entailed nor did I even know how to go about finding this training. Then one day I ran across an advertisement for a class coming up to learn how to be a Peer Specialist, I was taken back.

Now to hunt down the man teaching the class and needless to say I did hunt him down. LOL. There was probably more then 10 calls a day and numerous emails asking to be in his class. It was while waiting to here back from him that I did all the research I could find and knew this was the job for me.

So after 20 plus years in the Restaurant Industry, I gave it up and walked into the unknown. Fear of the unknown is what stops many of us with a mental illness (and even without) from doing anything. But I knew that if I was ever going to get anywhere it was time to jump into the unknown. Jump I did and I am very glad I did as I never knew my life could feel as complete as it does now. Oh sure, there are still some things missing I am sure, however my life now makes sense as to where it didn't before.

For starters, I have learned that I can't nor do I need to save everyone. My dad and I have a very strained relationship. I have called monthly, sent him letters, ran up to Ohio when I heard he had a heart attack and then had to have surgery. If I would have to guess, I can honestly say my dad has depression and therefore has yet to want to come to reality that a child of his has a severe and persistent mental illness, let alone admit he has some form of one. I have tried is all I can say and I realized when I started this job that it is no longer up to me, but up to him. I can try and help, but I can't "fix" him. But yet I still adore my job knowing I can't fix or save everyone.

The position of being a peer support specialist has opened many doors for me: I have started going to college full-time to eventually become a psychologist, I have helped form a State-wide organization called the NC Association of Peer Specialists, started my own recovery education company (Recovery Can Happen), and have been trained in a variety of recovery concepts. Yes, my life seems full, but it's not. I still find the time to work as a Certified Peer Support Specialist, both on my own and for companies.

Yes, it is rewarding!

All to often we hear that people with a severe mental illness can't hold a job, they don't know how wrong they are. This is the perfect job. We get to teach people ways to help with their lives, get them motivated to find ways to live again, teach them interventions concerning self-esteem, hope, ways to rethink their negative thoughts, find resources that they may have never known about, and even maybe find them other services they might not have known about to get the help they needed. We do a lot more then that, but we show them what recovery is about through our own experiences.

All to often, when meeting a client, I hear them say" someday I want to be like you". Well, you can never be like me because you aren't me, but you can be similar to me and do what I do. Recovery is possible if you give it a chance.

Happy Blessings!

Mirroring

For many years I liked whoever I was married to or dating liked. If they liked a certain food I liked it. If they liked certain people, I liked them as well. If they were upset, sad, or angry I was as well, same thing with being happy and so on. They cried, I cried, and the list could go on and on. It's called a "mirroring effect." You pick up on the people around you and act or like the things they do.

I had to find a way to break habit as it wasn't me. Eventually I would stop mirroring and start rebelling, which just created problems since the person I was with didn't understand where I was coming from or what was going on. I made it easy to leave or for them to walk away from me. Funny thing is, I noticed that I'm not the only one to do it. People with a mental illness have a tendency to want to please everyone or we run them off. Many of us though for the wrong reasons. We can't keep someone just because we are afraid to be lonely, nor can we simply mirror them to make them happy.

We need to be our own-selves. After all, we matter as individuals. Never stoop to please someone else by giving up your love for various things. Be that individual that you were born to be.

Some ways to stop:

1) never give up on yourself to make someone else happy.

2) just because the other in your life likes something, doesn't mean you have to like it also (unless of course you truly do like it).

3) try doing your own thing once in a while.

4) remind yourself your an individual, separate from your partner.

5) remember what you like and express it so that you never forget it.

6) learn to compromise.

7) look into self-esteem classes or groups

8) tell yourself every day that you are a unique individual

9) try it once and if you don't like it or aren't into it then let your partner know. honesty is the best policy.

10) every week, you and your partner try something new that neither of you have done before.

11) learn to recognize your own TRUE feelings and emotions.

Try a few of these ideas and if you find they work for you, keep trying them, if they don't then learn something new that works for you. After all we can't keep hurting ourselves in this manner. Remember, we are all each unique individuals who deserve a chance at a happy and long life. After all mirroring someone can drain us of our energy and freedoms.

Lori

Taking for granted...

Well it has been over 4 months since I last wrote and I do apologize. My life has been extremely busy, causing me to forget where I started and that is here with my blogs. If it wasn't for my readers on any of my blogs, I wouldn't be where I am today. So thank you world.....

My recovery and peer support is going National. Starting in July I will be traveling to four different states teaching Peer Support training. If you'd like to know more please visit my training website at www.recoverycanhappen.com. Click on training and eduction and follow the link that is appropriate for your area.

This week I am in the middle of a training class and this class has brought the most tears to my eyes then any other class ever has. First I did a WRAP training and at the time, I didn't know it but I has three homeless guys in my class. Low and behold they showed up at my Peer Support training class and all I could think of was "how in the world are these guys going to do the impossible when they can't even help themselves". Well, they sure have surprised me this week! Not only have they gone above and beyond my expectations, but they have taught me something as well; courage and will. Courage to realize that no matter how bad my life gets, it is up to me to keep pushing forward and remember that someone is always worse off then I am. Will to keep moving forward in order to succeed in everything I set out to do.

These three gentleman are the sweetest men that you could ever meet. They showed up each day, did the required work (never asking anyone for anything), and graduated both classes. They all told me that I inspire them and oh boy what a feeling that is. What was even more amazing, was the way the class rallied around them. One guy picked them up for class and drove them home. Two other students made sure they got lunch each day and one guy even made sure one had the ensure that he knew the guy needed. This was truly an amazing class! Thank you all for the lessons learned this week. All I can say is that I truly learned what HOPE is this past eight days.

I will admit that I have been taking my success at what I am accomplishing for granted but after this week, I need to remember that it is my students that make me successful. Without them, I'd be no where. Thank you goes out to my Peer Support class of May 2011.

It's time I start doing my gratitude list again....

1) I am grateful for the people I teach Peer Support to
2) I am grateful for the lessons I learned this week.
3) I am grateful for the terrific support system that I have in place.
4) I am grateful for the opportunities that my mentor Robert has given me.
5) I am grateful for my job as a Peer Support Specialist!

Encouragement and Hope

Your alone and depressed. You don't have an idea what to do with yourself and your afraid you might do something stupid (or you assume what you want to do is stupid). But in reality your not alone. There are millions of people out there who have felt or are feeling the same exact way that you are right now. The difference? Is how you deal with it.

For many people they get over issues fast, but do they really? Could it be that they are just better at hiding things from everyone? No matter how much you think they are over something, the truth is they aren't. They have yet to deal with the issues that are bothering them and eventually they will be in the same position again.


Find things to do that will aid you in over coming your issues....

1. Talk to someone who understands you but isn't going to validate everything you say or do. When you find someone who will validate everything that is going on in your life, they are just enabling you to sit and fester as you think about it. 
2. Join a Support Group. There are basically support groups for everything under the sun out there now, from drugs to shopping to bullying to eating. We all need a support system in place and what better way to find one then from those who are going through the same thing that you are.
3. Learn to let go. People with a mental illness have a harder time processing and letting go of information. But you have to learn to let go of what is hurting you so that you can move forward. You don't need all that excess baggage tearing you a part. That is what truly holds you back, your ability to not let go and push forward.
4. Forcing yourself. Sometimes you need to force yourself to move forward. Once you have done this a few times a week, you'll find your self doing it more and more often. I don't want to get out of bed most mornings, but I find that when I force myself to, I feel so much better about myself then I would if I had stayed in bed and not done my school work or not gone to this or that appointment.
5. Find a new challenge. Looking for a new and exciting challenge can help put you in a different frame of mind. Look for something outside of your normal interest range. Look at things that you would never even think of doing, then go for it. You might just find that you love doing this new challenge.  

Self Harm. Why we do it and ways to stop.

A lot of people with mental illnesses self harm. We do it to release the pain that is in our minds. As a self harmer I often wonder why it has all of a sudden become a national past time with the younger generation being as once you start, you have an even harder time stopping. Cutting has fallen into the hands of our teenagers and even younger generation. Many do it just because they saw someone else do it so they thought they would try it. Many do it because they are truly in pain and feel they need an outlet and cutting gives them that outlet.

But how do you tell who needs the help and who is just trying to fit in by acting like their friends?

A troubled cutter cuts uncontrollably and deep. Someone who is cutting because their friends do it will make scratches here and there.

Self mutilation has become a such a big new trend not just in America, but around the world. Because many people feel it is just a trend, no one knows how to help people who cut, burn, or harm themselves in other ways. Some families hide it, brush it under the rug. Some throw their kids to the therapist while still ignoring that their child has a problem. So what exactly is the right thing to do to get your loved one the help they need?

Self mutilation is no joke and should be taken very seriously. While we don't intend to kill ourselves, some accidently cut to deep and end up taking their own lives. Where do we draw the line at how to help one another? Do we shove people into therapy, forgetting about their aftercare? Do we walk on egg shells so not to make people harm themselves? Do we tell the person they are stupid for doing it and ignore them? Do we brush it a side and not take a second glance at it? No, we don't do any of these things. Instead we stand up for them and get them the help they need; being there with them every step of the way.

Love and Happiness with a Mental Illness

Those of us with a mental illness have a tendency to love to much or to little. We haven't learned how to truly find the happiness that we deserve instead we always settle for what we get or what we feel we deserve. They tell us to love ourself, but those of us with a mental illness rarely have the strength to love ourselves, let alone someone else. So where do we find the strength? 

I've finally (let me rephrase that, "i think I've finally") learned the answer on how to love myself. Repetition! By giving myself self talks and learning to believe in what I'm telling myself I have learned to love myself for the first time in my life. It was a very long and very hard process, but I was able to do it when I had NO faith in myself.

I know many of you are saying; "that's you, not all of us can do that."

Stop doubting and start believing in yourself. You are all better then that! Don't live in your disease, don't live in your past, and never forget your better then all those put together. 

Thinking Positive....

We all hear someone telling us to think positive instead of negative at some point in our lives. For the most part I thought it was B.S. My answer to that when someone would say it to me was always, "you try living in my shoes and then come back and tell me you could think positive." Wrong answer I know, but at the time I liked it.

When I started really getting into my own recovery and started thinking positively, I began to notice things. Such as if I was thinking positive then ideas would happen, if I was thinking negative then negative things would happen. One thing I never thought about was why bad things kept happening to myself and it took me playing games to finally figure it out.

I could be online playing in a game room, be defeating everyone, and then crash my game time and winning streak would go down the drain! When I began to realize what was going on, I started to take notice around me. I noticed if I had my school work or my paperwork for work done then I would win. If I didn't have that kind of stuff done, I'd lose.

  















So was it because of the positive actions that I had done prior to playing those video games or was it just skill?

Then I began trying it with other things in my life. Such as the support group I started at work. As long as I stayed positive about it and encouraged people to come to it, they did, and all my consumers enjoyed it. If I didn't encourage them, they didn't come. Again, fate or negative planning?

Say hello to Someone you don't know day! Inspiration and Sadness...

****Note. While this is not a consumer of mine I felt it best to get permission from him to publish this on my blog, he agreed to it, but asked that I not use his real name. So I will call him Harry....*****

What an awesome inspiring day I have had. A few weeks ago I posted an event on facebook called "say hello to someone you don't know day". Many of my friends got involved with it and so did many people I don't know. Roughly 50 people said they would do it. So I started my day with a bang!

I chose a corner in downtown Durham where I knew many homeless people hung out due to the fact that there are also just as many business people. So more then likely the homeless hang out there in hopes of making a buck or two, but that's not what I was about today. Today was my day to make someone smile and hopefully feel better about themselves. So off to make someone smile Rev and I went. (BTW, Rev is my 2 year old lab mix).

We sat there saying hello to people, Rev first barking and making them walk away from us but he eventually calmed down and began wagging his tail at people instead. Rev ended up with many head pats. Back to the story.....

People smiled at me after I told them hello and good morning, some even said hello back. However this one guy caught my eye. He had been sitting down the street from us watching me and my pup when he eventually decided to come down and see what I was doing. I told him hello and good morning, he smiled and replied the same way as I said it. He went on to let Rev get to know him before he started petting him. I'll call him Harry (for confidentiality issues). Harry sat down next to me and placed this rumpled and ragged backpack between us. You could tell Harry was homeless or close to it by the way he was dressed, overly baggy clothing, un-kept hair and face, two miss-matched shoes and no socks. Being as we are in NC it is still kind of hot but I still thought nothing of it. Harry and I started talking about what I was doing and was actually intrigued enough to start doing it with me. In between Harry and I saying hello we started talking about our lives. I told him some of my story (leaving out the extra crap I have yet to really open up about) and he started telling me ALL of his. I asked Harry if he minded me asking very personal questions and he responded for me to go right a head. First thing I asked him was how he became homeless.

That time of year again....

Do the changing of the leaves bother you? The darker skies of winter torment you? Do you get more depressed during the darker months then you do anytime of the year? If so you may suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Appropriately named don't you think so? The reason I ask is because many of us do and have no idea that it is an actually mental issue. I personally suffer from it, but for me it's when the seasons are bright and beautiful with the sun shining and everything bright green.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that occurs in relation to the seasons, most commonly beginning in winter.

Symptoms:

• Afternoon slumps with decreased energy and concentration
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Decreased interest in work or other activities
• Depression that starts in fall or winter
• Increased appetite with weight gain
• Increased sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness
• Lack of energy
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal

While we can't do anything about the seasons, there are things we can do to keep ourselves aligned and focused. Unfortunately they are pretty much in the same manner as the rest of the treatments for depression that are available to us.

Recovery Plans

Together we can overcome ANYTHING!

One of the biggest parts of a persons recovery is your recovery plan. This shows you what you have done that has worked for you in the past just in case you might relapse.

Your recovery plan should include but is not limited to:

1.  What it looks like to you when your well.
2.  A daily maintenance plan that shows you what you need to do each day to maintain your wellness.
3.  You need to know what your triggers are. What sets you off into a depressive episode or a manic  episode. What makes you want to  over eat, under eat, self mutilate, that drink or that crack pipe?
4.  A list of contacts and their roles in your life so that they can be called upon to help you.
5.  A list of your medications and supplements.
6.  Anything you maybe allergic to that would be of use to the hospital or crisis center. 
7. The numbers to your doctors.
8. Anything else you might find useful to those helping you during your crisis.

All these are very important when it comes to your health and well being. Other options you might choose to do instead of a wellness plan is: 

• Keep a journal
• Write a blog
• Make a video
• Make a wellness CD of music you need to hear
• Record yourself talking about your recovery
• Make a visual board of things that remind you to stay well
• Help someone else

Whatever it is you choose to do, keep in mind that your in charge of your own recovery. No one can tell you that your doing it right or wrong. No one can control your life but you. You deserve this! 

HAPPY RECOVERY!

True Friends

What is one thing you need the most in your recovery process? A awesome support team who will be there with you through thick and thin!

Sometimes you can sense how much someone really cares, by how much they listen to you. A good friend is important in your recovery. They are there when you need them, they listen when you need a shoulder, and they can be there to guide you. One thing you must remember though; in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. Never lose perspective of your friendship and never violate that friendship by being dishonest or not being the friend you want in return.

Just having someone to talk to throughout your recovery can be a huge relief! A friend can show through word and deed that your not a bad person, but instead that your just another person who has problems. Everyone seems to feel their problems are worse then the next person. That they don't have a life worth living, when the reality is that everyone has a life worth living, you just have to find yours.

Everyone has strengths they don't even think about and a true friend will help you remember yours. You have to be open to finding your strengths. You have to be open to new ideas and your own recovery. Find a true friend, find your strengths, and help find yourself.

I believe in all of you! I believe that together we CAN overcome any obstacle that we feel is in our path!

Bipolar Support and Self-Help

Bipolar Support and Self-Help

LIVING AND COPING WITH BIPOLAR DISORDER

Although bipolar disorder tends to be a lifelong, recurrent illness, there are many things you can do to help yourself. Beyond the treatment you get from your doctor or therapist, there are many things you can do to reduce your symptoms and stay on track, including educating yourself about bipolar disorder, surrounding yourself with people you can count on, and leading a healthy “wellness” lifestyle.

You’re not powerless when it comes to bipolar disorder. With good coping skills and a solid support system, you can live fully and productively and keep the symptoms of bipolar disorder in check.

Living with bipolar disorder: What you can do to help yourself

Living well with bipolar disorder requires certain adjustments. Like recovering alcoholics who avoid drinking or diabetics who take insulin, if you have bipolar disorder, it’s important to make healthy choices for yourself. Making these healthy choices will help you keep your symptoms under control, minimize mood episodes, and take control of your life.

Managing bipolar disorder starts with proper treatment, including medication and therapy. But there is so much more you can do to help yourself on a day-to-day basis. The daily decisions you make influence the course of your illness: whether your symptoms get better or worse; whether you stay well or experience a relapse; and how quickly you rebound from a mood episode.

Bipolar Help

Where to Get Help When You Can’t Afford to See a Doctor

By CANDIDA FINK MD

Bipolar disorder affects not only your health and well being – it can also negatively affect your personal finances. In the U.S. right now, job loss typically equates with the eventual loss of insurance and no income to pay out of pocket for treatment. So where can you turn for help when you can’t afford to see a doctor or purchase the medications that doctor eventually prescribes?

Check to see if your county has a health department (I believe that most do or can refer you to a neighboring county that does). As we explain in Bipolar Disorder for Dummies, a doctor will need to do a thorough evaluation to rule out other possibilities, such as thyroid problems or other medical or psychiatric disorders, that could cause similar symptoms.

In our book, we also point out other free or low-cost care options, including the following:

• State or local Mental Health America affiliate: call 1-800-969-6642 or search the directory at www.nmha.org/go/searchMHA
• Community mental health clinic
• University programs – check with any state universities in your area
• Religious organizations – if you belong to a church, contact your minister
• State medical assistance
• Look up the Social Security office in your area and see if they can do anything for you
• Your child may qualify for free or low-cost insurance, too – visitwww.insurekidsnow.gov for details
• If you have a local NAMI or DBSA group in your area, they can also offer you support and redirect you to state & local resources.

If you have a close friend or family member who can help you navigate these resources, enlist their assistance. Tracking down assistance and then jumping through hoops to get what you need can be very difficult and stressful in and of itself. If possible, it helps to have someone who can share the burden.

If you’re having trouble paying for prescription medications, check out our post “Can’t Afford Your Bipolar Medications?”

Article Copied from PsychCentral.

Finding your own path to Recovery

For me, finding my own path wasn't easy. It took me hitting rock bottom multiple times to see that I needed to find the help that would get me on the right path. I had an awesome job in Maine (even though I was working 77 hours a week), a nice apartment, and I finally had money in my pocket. However, I knew something was wrong when bad things started happening to me. The first was Congenative Heart Failure, the second was a very deep second degree burn from a lobster pot falling off a burner. In my mind, disaster had struck and my life was going down the drain. So I did what I normally do when bad things start to happen and I ran. I made a pit stop in Massachusetts, where I was homeless for 2 months and then I raised the funds to come to NC to my moms house where I felt safe and secure. However, that wasn't enough for me. I knew I had to do something to find the strength to go on.

When I got to NC one of the first things I did was to check myself into Durham Center Access. They set me up with a Dialectical Behavior Therapy class for Borderline Personality Disorder and they hoped it would help with my Bipolar as well since they couldn't help me with that. I started looking into various programs and support groups that would help me and found that I was at a road block due to a lack of funds in the area. So I forced myself out of bed everyday and forced myself to find something to do to help me. I became a Certified Peer Support Specialist and a Certified Recovery Coach. I have found my path through helping others who have a close background to myself.

For starters I had to get rid of the spider webs in my head and the negative thoughts (don't get me wrong, they never completely go away) to over come any doubt I had in myself that I could do this. I called around until I found someone offering the Peer Support Training class, sent emails begging to be allowed in his class even though I had no money to cover the costs, then I joined in with various support groups a little further away then I would have liked to have driven but I did it. I then decided I needed to change my music and boy do I love all kinds of music! But I was soon to learn, I could no longer listen to the heavy metal bands as they have a tendency to trigger me, so country and rock it became.

I next, took 3 walls in my bedroom (I live with my mom still) and made my own personal toolbox. On this vision wall I placed photos, sayings, newspaper clippings, cards and letters, recovery quotes, and drawings. I add to them still and as I look over this wall I reflect when I am and where I have been. I have also started blogging and that helps me more then I ever thought possible. Just to see my thoughts, anger, happiness and fears come out in word and to be able to read of them is a truly amazing feeling.

The point to all this is that recovery is possible if you want it bad enough. It doesn't have to happen over night, nor does it have to be continuous, but it is possible. Put it in your mind that you can and will do it, force yourself if need be, but start finding your way. You are the only one who can live your life, not everyone else, you and you alone. Plant your feet and get started! Take that step to your first support group meeting, find medicines that work for you, start a vision wall, let go of some of your anger and you'll start to see a change. Wake up every morning and tell yourself one thing positive about you or do one positive thing a day and you will see a difference.

Remember, only you can help yourself into and out of recovery. Recovery is possible and it does Happen!

Relaspe, just bad or is there some good to it?

For many of us, fear of relapsing is the stopper that allows us to recover. We fear we might cut again, take that drink, smoke that cigarette, eat too little or too much, and even fall back into a spiraling depression. According to Psychology Today magazine (July/August 2010) " relapse is like riding a bike, everyone falls once." They also went onto state that "if handled right the right way, relapse can actually open the door to lasting success." The entire article, "The New Quitter" (pages 79-85), is actually pretty interesting. If you can find it online, please take a minute to read it.


 I (personally) normally find magazine articles full of crap, but this one drew my attention right away as it made comments that I've made where myself is concerned. That's what drew me to it. After all, for many, the number one reason for relapse is almost always an emotional this or that that pushes us over-board. If we are to overcome these relapses, we need to find a way to overcome our emotional issues I personally find this correct. By me relapsing into my depression I am able to see clearly what went wrong and there for I am able to help myself correct the issue or find a way to avoid that trigger.

Besides, our illness didn't happen overnight so we shouldn't expect our recovery to happen overnight either. Keep your goals small and you will see bigger results. But don't give up on your goals either! Attend a WRAP class, a Wellness class, DBT, CBT or even a WMR class  and you will soon see results in what your looking for. Bottom line: Don't ever give up on yourself! You're too valuable of a person to be letting a small thing like relapse kill the recovery that you have made.

Easier? I think not.

I had a lady tell me yesterday that people in recovery have it easier then those who are still struggling. I told her that isn't true. People in recovery, I think have it harder. We are still struggling to maintain a balance in our lives so that we can function on a daily basis. I feel that is the hardest part as relapse is so much more easier to achieve. People in recovery have to fight each and every day just like someone not in recovery. It becomes a battle of which will is stronger with us. Personally, I have just as many bad days as I do good days and I have to fight through each and every moment of those.

Recovery is not an easy venture to try and get through. It takes a person who wants to recover and has the power to step forward and fight for what they want.