Dear Mental Illness

A letter to my mental illness....

Have I ever told you how much I hate you? Yet I love you for just as many reasons.

Reasons I hate you:

1) You've taken some of my family from me

2) You've helped me ruin relationships in more than one way.

3) you've helped ruin my life in many ways: example, self-harm, theft, jail, and even by messing up in school.

4) You've helped me ruin the lives of many.

5) You've even helped me hold on to relationships that I shouldn't

6) You've help me forget who I am.

The reasons I love you:

1) You've helped me bring back some of my family

2) You've helped me make over 2000 friends in the last 2 years

3) you've taken my life in a whole new direction (Thank You!)

4) You've helped me see that I am not Hopeless and that I am a good person.

5) Thanks to you I have made some great friends in life and experience some amazing relationships

6) You've helped me see where I belong

7) You've helped me see who I am and who I want to be.

8) Because of you I can make someone's life a better place, as well as mine

9) Because of you I can see clearly where I was and where I need to be.

Needless to say, I am doing great where I am now, even with all of your short comings. That being said, there are still 2 people who I want in my world but they aren't, my son and my father. I need their support, yet don't have it, yet I am grateful for this in my life who are my support systems. If your reading this, you know who you are.

To date, I have started school and am almost on to my Junior year while maintaining a 4.0 (who would have ever thought? LOL), I have certificates to teach 5 different classes, and am currently working on 4 more, and will reach my goal of starting a recovery college at the rate I am going and I owe most of it to you my mental illness. Thank you for helping to push me to accomplish these tasks.

Today I am grateful for:

1) My recovery

2) my friends and the many more I will make.

3) My new life.

4) The ability to overcome my fears.

5) My friends going through recovery and them making it...

Taking for granted...

Well it has been over 4 months since I last wrote and I do apologize. My life has been extremely busy, causing me to forget where I started and that is here with my blogs. If it wasn't for my readers on any of my blogs, I wouldn't be where I am today. So thank you world.....

My recovery and peer support is going National. Starting in July I will be traveling to four different states teaching Peer Support training. If you'd like to know more please visit my training website at www.recoverycanhappen.com. Click on training and eduction and follow the link that is appropriate for your area.

This week I am in the middle of a training class and this class has brought the most tears to my eyes then any other class ever has. First I did a WRAP training and at the time, I didn't know it but I has three homeless guys in my class. Low and behold they showed up at my Peer Support training class and all I could think of was "how in the world are these guys going to do the impossible when they can't even help themselves". Well, they sure have surprised me this week! Not only have they gone above and beyond my expectations, but they have taught me something as well; courage and will. Courage to realize that no matter how bad my life gets, it is up to me to keep pushing forward and remember that someone is always worse off then I am. Will to keep moving forward in order to succeed in everything I set out to do.

These three gentleman are the sweetest men that you could ever meet. They showed up each day, did the required work (never asking anyone for anything), and graduated both classes. They all told me that I inspire them and oh boy what a feeling that is. What was even more amazing, was the way the class rallied around them. One guy picked them up for class and drove them home. Two other students made sure they got lunch each day and one guy even made sure one had the ensure that he knew the guy needed. This was truly an amazing class! Thank you all for the lessons learned this week. All I can say is that I truly learned what HOPE is this past eight days.

I will admit that I have been taking my success at what I am accomplishing for granted but after this week, I need to remember that it is my students that make me successful. Without them, I'd be no where. Thank you goes out to my Peer Support class of May 2011.

It's time I start doing my gratitude list again....

1) I am grateful for the people I teach Peer Support to
2) I am grateful for the lessons I learned this week.
3) I am grateful for the terrific support system that I have in place.
4) I am grateful for the opportunities that my mentor Robert has given me.
5) I am grateful for my job as a Peer Support Specialist!

Say hello to Someone you don't know day! Inspiration and Sadness...

****Note. While this is not a consumer of mine I felt it best to get permission from him to publish this on my blog, he agreed to it, but asked that I not use his real name. So I will call him Harry....*****

What an awesome inspiring day I have had. A few weeks ago I posted an event on facebook called "say hello to someone you don't know day". Many of my friends got involved with it and so did many people I don't know. Roughly 50 people said they would do it. So I started my day with a bang!

I chose a corner in downtown Durham where I knew many homeless people hung out due to the fact that there are also just as many business people. So more then likely the homeless hang out there in hopes of making a buck or two, but that's not what I was about today. Today was my day to make someone smile and hopefully feel better about themselves. So off to make someone smile Rev and I went. (BTW, Rev is my 2 year old lab mix).

We sat there saying hello to people, Rev first barking and making them walk away from us but he eventually calmed down and began wagging his tail at people instead. Rev ended up with many head pats. Back to the story.....

People smiled at me after I told them hello and good morning, some even said hello back. However this one guy caught my eye. He had been sitting down the street from us watching me and my pup when he eventually decided to come down and see what I was doing. I told him hello and good morning, he smiled and replied the same way as I said it. He went on to let Rev get to know him before he started petting him. I'll call him Harry (for confidentiality issues). Harry sat down next to me and placed this rumpled and ragged backpack between us. You could tell Harry was homeless or close to it by the way he was dressed, overly baggy clothing, un-kept hair and face, two miss-matched shoes and no socks. Being as we are in NC it is still kind of hot but I still thought nothing of it. Harry and I started talking about what I was doing and was actually intrigued enough to start doing it with me. In between Harry and I saying hello we started talking about our lives. I told him some of my story (leaving out the extra crap I have yet to really open up about) and he started telling me ALL of his. I asked Harry if he minded me asking very personal questions and he responded for me to go right a head. First thing I asked him was how he became homeless.