Mirroring

For many years I liked whoever I was married to or dating liked. If they liked a certain food I liked it. If they liked certain people, I liked them as well. If they were upset, sad, or angry I was as well, same thing with being happy and so on. They cried, I cried, and the list could go on and on. It's called a "mirroring effect." You pick up on the people around you and act or like the things they do.

I had to find a way to break habit as it wasn't me. Eventually I would stop mirroring and start rebelling, which just created problems since the person I was with didn't understand where I was coming from or what was going on. I made it easy to leave or for them to walk away from me. Funny thing is, I noticed that I'm not the only one to do it. People with a mental illness have a tendency to want to please everyone or we run them off. Many of us though for the wrong reasons. We can't keep someone just because we are afraid to be lonely, nor can we simply mirror them to make them happy.

We need to be our own-selves. After all, we matter as individuals. Never stoop to please someone else by giving up your love for various things. Be that individual that you were born to be.

Some ways to stop:

1) never give up on yourself to make someone else happy.

2) just because the other in your life likes something, doesn't mean you have to like it also (unless of course you truly do like it).

3) try doing your own thing once in a while.

4) remind yourself your an individual, separate from your partner.

5) remember what you like and express it so that you never forget it.

6) learn to compromise.

7) look into self-esteem classes or groups

8) tell yourself every day that you are a unique individual

9) try it once and if you don't like it or aren't into it then let your partner know. honesty is the best policy.

10) every week, you and your partner try something new that neither of you have done before.

11) learn to recognize your own TRUE feelings and emotions.

Try a few of these ideas and if you find they work for you, keep trying them, if they don't then learn something new that works for you. After all we can't keep hurting ourselves in this manner. Remember, we are all each unique individuals who deserve a chance at a happy and long life. After all mirroring someone can drain us of our energy and freedoms.

Lori

Love and Happiness with a Mental Illness

Those of us with a mental illness have a tendency to love to much or to little. We haven't learned how to truly find the happiness that we deserve instead we always settle for what we get or what we feel we deserve. They tell us to love ourself, but those of us with a mental illness rarely have the strength to love ourselves, let alone someone else. So where do we find the strength? 

I've finally (let me rephrase that, "i think I've finally") learned the answer on how to love myself. Repetition! By giving myself self talks and learning to believe in what I'm telling myself I have learned to love myself for the first time in my life. It was a very long and very hard process, but I was able to do it when I had NO faith in myself.

I know many of you are saying; "that's you, not all of us can do that."

Stop doubting and start believing in yourself. You are all better then that! Don't live in your disease, don't live in your past, and never forget your better then all those put together. 

Bipolar Help

Where to Get Help When You Can’t Afford to See a Doctor

By CANDIDA FINK MD

Bipolar disorder affects not only your health and well being – it can also negatively affect your personal finances. In the U.S. right now, job loss typically equates with the eventual loss of insurance and no income to pay out of pocket for treatment. So where can you turn for help when you can’t afford to see a doctor or purchase the medications that doctor eventually prescribes?

Check to see if your county has a health department (I believe that most do or can refer you to a neighboring county that does). As we explain in Bipolar Disorder for Dummies, a doctor will need to do a thorough evaluation to rule out other possibilities, such as thyroid problems or other medical or psychiatric disorders, that could cause similar symptoms.

In our book, we also point out other free or low-cost care options, including the following:

• State or local Mental Health America affiliate: call 1-800-969-6642 or search the directory at www.nmha.org/go/searchMHA
• Community mental health clinic
• University programs – check with any state universities in your area
• Religious organizations – if you belong to a church, contact your minister
• State medical assistance
• Look up the Social Security office in your area and see if they can do anything for you
• Your child may qualify for free or low-cost insurance, too – visitwww.insurekidsnow.gov for details
• If you have a local NAMI or DBSA group in your area, they can also offer you support and redirect you to state & local resources.

If you have a close friend or family member who can help you navigate these resources, enlist their assistance. Tracking down assistance and then jumping through hoops to get what you need can be very difficult and stressful in and of itself. If possible, it helps to have someone who can share the burden.

If you’re having trouble paying for prescription medications, check out our post “Can’t Afford Your Bipolar Medications?”

Article Copied from PsychCentral.

Finding your own path to Recovery

For me, finding my own path wasn't easy. It took me hitting rock bottom multiple times to see that I needed to find the help that would get me on the right path. I had an awesome job in Maine (even though I was working 77 hours a week), a nice apartment, and I finally had money in my pocket. However, I knew something was wrong when bad things started happening to me. The first was Congenative Heart Failure, the second was a very deep second degree burn from a lobster pot falling off a burner. In my mind, disaster had struck and my life was going down the drain. So I did what I normally do when bad things start to happen and I ran. I made a pit stop in Massachusetts, where I was homeless for 2 months and then I raised the funds to come to NC to my moms house where I felt safe and secure. However, that wasn't enough for me. I knew I had to do something to find the strength to go on.

When I got to NC one of the first things I did was to check myself into Durham Center Access. They set me up with a Dialectical Behavior Therapy class for Borderline Personality Disorder and they hoped it would help with my Bipolar as well since they couldn't help me with that. I started looking into various programs and support groups that would help me and found that I was at a road block due to a lack of funds in the area. So I forced myself out of bed everyday and forced myself to find something to do to help me. I became a Certified Peer Support Specialist and a Certified Recovery Coach. I have found my path through helping others who have a close background to myself.

For starters I had to get rid of the spider webs in my head and the negative thoughts (don't get me wrong, they never completely go away) to over come any doubt I had in myself that I could do this. I called around until I found someone offering the Peer Support Training class, sent emails begging to be allowed in his class even though I had no money to cover the costs, then I joined in with various support groups a little further away then I would have liked to have driven but I did it. I then decided I needed to change my music and boy do I love all kinds of music! But I was soon to learn, I could no longer listen to the heavy metal bands as they have a tendency to trigger me, so country and rock it became.

I next, took 3 walls in my bedroom (I live with my mom still) and made my own personal toolbox. On this vision wall I placed photos, sayings, newspaper clippings, cards and letters, recovery quotes, and drawings. I add to them still and as I look over this wall I reflect when I am and where I have been. I have also started blogging and that helps me more then I ever thought possible. Just to see my thoughts, anger, happiness and fears come out in word and to be able to read of them is a truly amazing feeling.

The point to all this is that recovery is possible if you want it bad enough. It doesn't have to happen over night, nor does it have to be continuous, but it is possible. Put it in your mind that you can and will do it, force yourself if need be, but start finding your way. You are the only one who can live your life, not everyone else, you and you alone. Plant your feet and get started! Take that step to your first support group meeting, find medicines that work for you, start a vision wall, let go of some of your anger and you'll start to see a change. Wake up every morning and tell yourself one thing positive about you or do one positive thing a day and you will see a difference.

Remember, only you can help yourself into and out of recovery. Recovery is possible and it does Happen!