Dear Mental Illness

A letter to my mental illness....

Have I ever told you how much I hate you? Yet I love you for just as many reasons.

Reasons I hate you:

1) You've taken some of my family from me

2) You've helped me ruin relationships in more than one way.

3) you've helped ruin my life in many ways: example, self-harm, theft, jail, and even by messing up in school.

4) You've helped me ruin the lives of many.

5) You've even helped me hold on to relationships that I shouldn't

6) You've help me forget who I am.

The reasons I love you:

1) You've helped me bring back some of my family

2) You've helped me make over 2000 friends in the last 2 years

3) you've taken my life in a whole new direction (Thank You!)

4) You've helped me see that I am not Hopeless and that I am a good person.

5) Thanks to you I have made some great friends in life and experience some amazing relationships

6) You've helped me see where I belong

7) You've helped me see who I am and who I want to be.

8) Because of you I can make someone's life a better place, as well as mine

9) Because of you I can see clearly where I was and where I need to be.

Needless to say, I am doing great where I am now, even with all of your short comings. That being said, there are still 2 people who I want in my world but they aren't, my son and my father. I need their support, yet don't have it, yet I am grateful for this in my life who are my support systems. If your reading this, you know who you are.

To date, I have started school and am almost on to my Junior year while maintaining a 4.0 (who would have ever thought? LOL), I have certificates to teach 5 different classes, and am currently working on 4 more, and will reach my goal of starting a recovery college at the rate I am going and I owe most of it to you my mental illness. Thank you for helping to push me to accomplish these tasks.

Today I am grateful for:

1) My recovery

2) my friends and the many more I will make.

3) My new life.

4) The ability to overcome my fears.

5) My friends going through recovery and them making it...

That time of year again....

Do the changing of the leaves bother you? The darker skies of winter torment you? Do you get more depressed during the darker months then you do anytime of the year? If so you may suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Appropriately named don't you think so? The reason I ask is because many of us do and have no idea that it is an actually mental issue. I personally suffer from it, but for me it's when the seasons are bright and beautiful with the sun shining and everything bright green.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that occurs in relation to the seasons, most commonly beginning in winter.

Symptoms:

• Afternoon slumps with decreased energy and concentration
• Carbohydrate cravings
• Decreased interest in work or other activities
• Depression that starts in fall or winter
• Increased appetite with weight gain
• Increased sleep and excessive daytime sleepiness
• Lack of energy
• Slow, sluggish, lethargic movement
• Social withdrawal

While we can't do anything about the seasons, there are things we can do to keep ourselves aligned and focused. Unfortunately they are pretty much in the same manner as the rest of the treatments for depression that are available to us.

Bipolar Help

Where to Get Help When You Can’t Afford to See a Doctor

By CANDIDA FINK MD

Bipolar disorder affects not only your health and well being – it can also negatively affect your personal finances. In the U.S. right now, job loss typically equates with the eventual loss of insurance and no income to pay out of pocket for treatment. So where can you turn for help when you can’t afford to see a doctor or purchase the medications that doctor eventually prescribes?

Check to see if your county has a health department (I believe that most do or can refer you to a neighboring county that does). As we explain in Bipolar Disorder for Dummies, a doctor will need to do a thorough evaluation to rule out other possibilities, such as thyroid problems or other medical or psychiatric disorders, that could cause similar symptoms.

In our book, we also point out other free or low-cost care options, including the following:

• State or local Mental Health America affiliate: call 1-800-969-6642 or search the directory at www.nmha.org/go/searchMHA
• Community mental health clinic
• University programs – check with any state universities in your area
• Religious organizations – if you belong to a church, contact your minister
• State medical assistance
• Look up the Social Security office in your area and see if they can do anything for you
• Your child may qualify for free or low-cost insurance, too – visitwww.insurekidsnow.gov for details
• If you have a local NAMI or DBSA group in your area, they can also offer you support and redirect you to state & local resources.

If you have a close friend or family member who can help you navigate these resources, enlist their assistance. Tracking down assistance and then jumping through hoops to get what you need can be very difficult and stressful in and of itself. If possible, it helps to have someone who can share the burden.

If you’re having trouble paying for prescription medications, check out our post “Can’t Afford Your Bipolar Medications?”

Article Copied from PsychCentral.

Finding your own path to Recovery

For me, finding my own path wasn't easy. It took me hitting rock bottom multiple times to see that I needed to find the help that would get me on the right path. I had an awesome job in Maine (even though I was working 77 hours a week), a nice apartment, and I finally had money in my pocket. However, I knew something was wrong when bad things started happening to me. The first was Congenative Heart Failure, the second was a very deep second degree burn from a lobster pot falling off a burner. In my mind, disaster had struck and my life was going down the drain. So I did what I normally do when bad things start to happen and I ran. I made a pit stop in Massachusetts, where I was homeless for 2 months and then I raised the funds to come to NC to my moms house where I felt safe and secure. However, that wasn't enough for me. I knew I had to do something to find the strength to go on.

When I got to NC one of the first things I did was to check myself into Durham Center Access. They set me up with a Dialectical Behavior Therapy class for Borderline Personality Disorder and they hoped it would help with my Bipolar as well since they couldn't help me with that. I started looking into various programs and support groups that would help me and found that I was at a road block due to a lack of funds in the area. So I forced myself out of bed everyday and forced myself to find something to do to help me. I became a Certified Peer Support Specialist and a Certified Recovery Coach. I have found my path through helping others who have a close background to myself.

For starters I had to get rid of the spider webs in my head and the negative thoughts (don't get me wrong, they never completely go away) to over come any doubt I had in myself that I could do this. I called around until I found someone offering the Peer Support Training class, sent emails begging to be allowed in his class even though I had no money to cover the costs, then I joined in with various support groups a little further away then I would have liked to have driven but I did it. I then decided I needed to change my music and boy do I love all kinds of music! But I was soon to learn, I could no longer listen to the heavy metal bands as they have a tendency to trigger me, so country and rock it became.

I next, took 3 walls in my bedroom (I live with my mom still) and made my own personal toolbox. On this vision wall I placed photos, sayings, newspaper clippings, cards and letters, recovery quotes, and drawings. I add to them still and as I look over this wall I reflect when I am and where I have been. I have also started blogging and that helps me more then I ever thought possible. Just to see my thoughts, anger, happiness and fears come out in word and to be able to read of them is a truly amazing feeling.

The point to all this is that recovery is possible if you want it bad enough. It doesn't have to happen over night, nor does it have to be continuous, but it is possible. Put it in your mind that you can and will do it, force yourself if need be, but start finding your way. You are the only one who can live your life, not everyone else, you and you alone. Plant your feet and get started! Take that step to your first support group meeting, find medicines that work for you, start a vision wall, let go of some of your anger and you'll start to see a change. Wake up every morning and tell yourself one thing positive about you or do one positive thing a day and you will see a difference.

Remember, only you can help yourself into and out of recovery. Recovery is possible and it does Happen!