For me, finding my own path wasn't easy. It took me hitting rock bottom multiple times to see that I needed to find the help that would get me on the right path. I had an awesome job in Maine (even though I was working 77 hours a week), a nice apartment, and I finally had money in my pocket. However, I knew something was wrong when bad things started happening to me. The first was Congenative Heart Failure, the second was a very deep second degree burn from a lobster pot falling off a burner. In my mind, disaster had struck and my life was going down the drain. So I did what I normally do when bad things start to happen and I ran. I made a pit stop in Massachusetts, where I was homeless for 2 months and then I raised the funds to come to NC to my moms house where I felt safe and secure. However, that wasn't enough for me. I knew I had to do something to find the strength to go on.
When I got to NC one of the first things I did was to check myself into Durham Center Access. They set me up with a Dialectical Behavior Therapy class for Borderline Personality Disorder and they hoped it would help with my Bipolar as well since they couldn't help me with that. I started looking into various programs and support groups that would help me and found that I was at a road block due to a lack of funds in the area. So I forced myself out of bed everyday and forced myself to find something to do to help me. I became a Certified Peer Support Specialist and a Certified Recovery Coach. I have found my path through helping others who have a close background to myself.
For starters I had to get rid of the spider webs in my head and the negative thoughts (don't get me wrong, they never completely go away) to over come any doubt I had in myself that I could do this. I called around until I found someone offering the Peer Support Training class, sent emails begging to be allowed in his class even though I had no money to cover the costs, then I joined in with various support groups a little further away then I would have liked to have driven but I did it. I then decided I needed to change my music and boy do I love all kinds of music! But I was soon to learn, I could no longer listen to the heavy metal bands as they have a tendency to trigger me, so country and rock it became.
I next, took 3 walls in my bedroom (I live with my mom still) and made my own personal toolbox. On this vision wall I placed photos, sayings, newspaper clippings, cards and letters, recovery quotes, and drawings. I add to them still and as I look over this wall I reflect when I am and where I have been. I have also started blogging and that helps me more then I ever thought possible. Just to see my thoughts, anger, happiness and fears come out in word and to be able to read of them is a truly amazing feeling.
The point to all this is that recovery is possible if you want it bad enough. It doesn't have to happen over night, nor does it have to be continuous, but it is possible. Put it in your mind that you can and will do it, force yourself if need be, but start finding your way. You are the only one who can live your life, not everyone else, you and you alone. Plant your feet and get started! Take that step to your first support group meeting, find medicines that work for you, start a vision wall, let go of some of your anger and you'll start to see a change. Wake up every morning and tell yourself one thing positive about you or do one positive thing a day and you will see a difference.
Remember, only you can help yourself into and out of recovery. Recovery is possible and it does Happen!
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